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It is challenging to have a relationship with a person that has borderline personality disorder BPD , especially since one of the hallmarks of the disorder is unstable relationships. Yet, if your partner has the disorder, you probably want to do everything you can to maintain the relationship. While dating someone with borderline personality disorder may seem nearly impossible at times, there are ways you can facilitate the relationship with that person without having to go on the rollercoaster ride with them as they oscillate between extremes in behavior and mood.
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend with borderline personality disorder, dating them means that you will have to find a way to manage your behaviors so you can manage their behaviors. Coming up with strategies for dealing with your partner’s extreme behaviors will help you keep your sanity.
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It’s what Winona Ryder’s character was diagnosed with in Girl: Interrupted. It’s what Jennifer Lawrence may have had in Silver Linings Playbook, in which her character’s specific mental health condition went unnamed. The largely unfair stereotype that has emerged of BPD—partially because of some Hollywood portrayal—is that of a crazed, manic, uncontrollable woman. To learn more about the condition, I spoke to Dr.
Barbara Greenberg: It’s a personality disorder that’s really all about having very intense moods, feeling very unstable in relationships, and seeing the world in black and white—things are either all good or all bad. People with borderline feel empty, and they are always trying to fight off what they perceive as rejection and abandonment, so they see abandonment and rejection where it doesn’t necessarily exist.
They’re so afraid of being alone, abandoned, or left, or people breaking up with them, that they sense it where it doesn’t exist and they need tons of reassurance. I think it’s one of the hardest personality disorders to have. And what’s really unfortunate is that there are males with borderline personality disorder too, but it’s the women who tend to get the label more frequently.
What It’s Like To Date When You Have Borderline Personality Disorder
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Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Stephanie, of Jacksonville, Florida, has struggled with depression since she was a child. But in , her mental health took a turn for the worse and her mood swings started to create conflict with her husband, Jerome. At first, Stephanie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder , but when she found another doctor who took the time to complete a thorough evaluation, she learned the true culprit was borderline personality disorder BPD , which she was diagnosed with six months later.
Borderline personality disorder BPD is a mental illness that can cause affected individuals to have a negative self-image, make risky or impulsive choices, engage in self-harming behaviors, and have intense emotions and mood swings.
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People with borderline personality disorder BPD often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD and for their partners. For example, a person with BPD may be affectionate and doting, but within a few hours, their emotional state may switch.
They may feel smothered or overwhelmed. This can lead them to push away the partner they had just been drawing closer. With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationships. Borderline personality disorder BPD is a condition that affects the way a person processes everyday emotions and reactions. People with BPD are often impulsive and emotionally unstable.
They may have intense episodes of anger, anxiety, and depression. These episodes can last several hours and be followed by a more stable period. Some people with BPD are prone to self-injury, accidents, and fights. Suicide is also more common among people with BPD. Another way to understand how a person with BPD experiences life is to realize they have a more difficult time returning to an emotional baseline.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Someone suffering from a borderline personality disorder is likely to have a difficult time regulating their emotions and behaviour. While it can be difficult not to take the words and actions of a loved one personally, this can lead to higher levels of stress. It is also important to take care of yourself when caring for someone with BPD in order to avoid burning out or becoming too stressed.
Talking to someone with BPD can be challenging, as their disorder can distort the messages they hear and those they try to express. It is important to remember that there is no magic cure.
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I read a lot. I wanted to understand what to expect, both of myself and of how my relationships would be impacted. Most articles implied that people with BPD have little or no empathy for others. The disorder is highly stigmatized and reading about it legitimately freaked me out. Adding this to the mix made me feel like I was doomed to be alone forever. It made me feel like all my relationships friends included were doomed to fail. But were they?
As someone with little family support, my friends have always been my lifeline.
Romantic Relationships Involving People With BPD
A week before Christmas, I was lying on the floor in a pitch black room, sobbing. I believed, I had completely ruined everything. Eventually my mom had to come peel me off of the floor and dump me lovingly into bed.
Likewise, if you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your dating life and romantic relationships.
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6 Tips for a Stable Relationship With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Priory Group offers advice on the strategies that can help if you are in a relationship with someone suffering from borderline personality disorder.
I’m going to be real with you for a second: I’m single. In fact, I’ve been single for what seems like ages. Now, it may just be that I haven’t met my match yet, or it may be because I’m actually completely insufferable and no one likes me which is starting to seem like the most likely option these days. But either way, dating can be an absolute minefield when you’re in your 20s. It’s even harder when you’re in your 20s and have a serious and potentially unstable mental illness.
Perfecting the art of Tinder small talk, speaking to and texting a potential date, surviving the actual date and then dealing with the inevitable “ghosting” that seems to happen more often than not these days — not to mention the whirlwind of emotions you experience when you do actually snare someone — can be exhausting for anyone, to say the least.
If you don’t know what borderline personality disorder BDP is, it’s a mental illness that is characterized by unstable moods, behaviors and relationships. You can see why dating when you have BPD can be a tad difficult.
Advice – Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Some of the comments hit home because, from an early age, I have had an extremely tempestuous love life, but I also know it can work if both partners learn to understand each other. This is a hard concept to explain to a healthy person, who may have only ever felt something close to this when someone they love passes away, or they lose something they hold dear in their life.
People with BPD, even in their happiest periods, experience this pervasive feeling of emptiness almost every day, and often they try and fill this with things that stimulate them. Personally, the only thing that gives me true happiness is other people, which is why BPD is a cruel illness — because most people who suffer from it are gregarious, true people lovers, but they struggle to maintain close relationships because of their illness.
Simply put, dating with borderline personality disorder isn’t easy; it feels like most people are either afraid of you because of the misconceptions.
Living with mental illness is easier than it once was, but dating with mental illness? It’s so much harder than it should be — thanks to the myths and stigmas around it. When rumors that singer Ariana Grande is dating Saturday Night Live actor Pete Davidson began to circulate earlier this week, critics claimed that Davidson shouldn’t be dating at all because he’s been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder , which the actor promptly shut down.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, borderline personality disorder is a mental illness characterized by mood swings, a fear of abandonment, difficulty regulating emotions, impulsive or destructive behavior such as self-harm or substance use , a wavering self-image, unstable relationships, and dissociation. As the National Alliance of Mental Illness reported, borderline personality disorder affects at least 1.
While living with any mental illness often comes accompanied by its own set of harmful myths, borderline personality disorder is one of the most stigmatized mental illnesses.
Healthy Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder
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While someone with depression or anxiety may feel that they are experiencing symptoms that are different from their normal state, people with personality disorders often fail to realize that their emotions and reactions depart from the typical human experience. People with borderline personality disorder BPD struggle to understand how wives, husbands, friends, and other family members experience their intense reactions, mood swings, and risky behavior.
Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. You may wonder whether you should let them borrow money again or answer the dozens of voicemails they left on your phone. Dealing with borderline personality disorder requires skills for deescalating crises and fostering independence in your loved one. With the right tools and community strategies, it is possible to help your loved one towards recovery.
Only a doctor or mental health professional can officially provide an official diagnosis of a personality disorder, but there are several key symptoms you can observe that might indicate a person has BPD.